I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
