She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
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