marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
The best revenge is premature balding
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize
