last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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