i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
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I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
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He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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