The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
