you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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