Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
