I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Randomize