If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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