his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
I think my moral compass just broke
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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