Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
