I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
