at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
