I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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