Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
