a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
