that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
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