the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
