Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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