I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
