Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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