i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
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