My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
