So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
