When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
