I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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