He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
