i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
