apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
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