Got a toothbrush?
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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