Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
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I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
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Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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