It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
