Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
