you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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