It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
