it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
