fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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