the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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