I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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