Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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