you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
