Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
