I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
