I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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