I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
