Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Randomize
