Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
