He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
