Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
