Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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