So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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