Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
