I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
