you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
