Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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