After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
