Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
