No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
