genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
