he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
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I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
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I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
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