Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
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Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
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The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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