Your tits are I can't wait for
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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