I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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