Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
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I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
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I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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