No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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