I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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